Let Them Eat Cake

There was a girl who loved the world
Until she learnt it was a cake,
Full of hot air and nothing but sickly sweetness
She lived in a mistake.

The people around her were sugary toppings
Filled with cream and icing dust,
They had no depth or imagination
So artificial, they would never rust.

And that girl then wondered how she had lived
Her childhood in a cocoon filled with hot air
Steaming and suffocating her, day in and day out
All these worries, and no one to talk to or share.

And so she resided in dignified defeat
That she will always be alone.
She left the world of hot air
To discover the world of thinly veiled holes.

She is lonely now, all consuming despair
Horrible terrors and nightmares surround.
But she needs to get out of the cake
Even if she has no company other than sounds.

She left her sugar addictions
And now has withdrawal symptoms.

It just gets so lonely sometimes.

Toxic shame

A constant pounding on the inside
Trying to escape the feeling,
Of being crushed by the idea of
Yourself, that others are seeing.

I’m pounding on the doors.
They aren’t bending to my command.
Yet I do the same for,
All the people that demand.

That I shut myself inside
For I don’t have the strength.
To break free from my shackles,
All my hope is spent.

Some laugh, some pity.
Some try to act like nothing has changed,
It didn’t occur, I did not try,
and then shamefully fail.

Failure is the fatal poison to my hope,
Of thinking, one day I shall be worthy.
To rise and make my kin proud,
But I fell before I even tried for glory.

She laughs at me, “You?”
She says, “Are not worthy of love.
Not that anyone would want to,
You have nothing to be proud of.”

Maybe she’s right, maybe not.

The only way to decide,
Is to vanish; a soul lost young.
And see if anyone pays their respects,
To the soul not worthy of love.

“You’re not pretty.”

I know.
I’m not.
I never claimed to be.

I cannot change the face or the body I was born with. I cannot change every picture reminding me how completely not photogenic I am. I cannot change my knobby knees or the persistent bags under my eyes or the curve of my body that you might find ‘fat’. I cannot change my scars and marks on my body that have accumulated as I live. I cannot change the way I look when I wake up in the morning, as I leave the safety of my dreams and come back to your world of judgements. I cannot change the fact that there are some clothes I will never look good in. I cannot change the fact that I’m so imperfect, no one is jealous of me.

But.
Don’t you dare think you can tell me I’m not beautiful.

I’m beautiful in every crack and cranny. My marks and scars are beautiful. My slightly chipped nail polish is beautiful. The callouses on my fingers formed over years of playing an instrument are beautiful. My hair on days I don’t get time to wash it is beautiful. Every curve you think is unnecessary is beautiful. My goofy laugh in pictures is beautiful. My awkward body language is beautiful. My smudged make-up at the end of the day is beautiful. My skin, with all the hills and valleys, is beautiful. My ‘candid’ photographs are beautiful. Do you know why? It’s because I can stand up straight, knowing that I’m my own definition of beauty and that I will not bend down to what (or who) you think is beautiful. My mind and soul are more beautiful than any of your pictures.

I’m beautiful because I believe I am.
Trying to make me believe otherwise is a waste of your time.

Part #1- Who Travels

“Three experiences, three stories, one emotion”

 

1. Date A Boy Who Travels.

Those who wander are not always lost. Date a boy who travels because he can teach you to wander.

Date a boy who travels because his magnetic wild energy will draw you towards him. He will seem foreign at first, but you will slowly warm up to him. He will excite your bubble-protected sensitivities.

His enthusiasm towards life will inspire you. And when he turns his untamed tempestuous gaze towards you, losing yourself in his radiant power will be the easiest thing you have ever done.

He will ask you to go to dinner with him to dine on a cuisine you would have never tried yourself. You will slowly but steadily fall in love with his tanned, worn-out face that contrasts perfectly with his ever youthful eyes. And when he smiles, his face will wrinkle up in a way that makes you want to do strange things. Like accompany him on his wayward but fulfilling journeys.

He will teach you how to live. You will spend hours navigating the earth that your ancestors walked on, experiencing more in your two-week journey with him than in your whole adult life. He will make you feel alive.

He will be the type of person to choose a small, handmade bracelet to an expensive watch, so gifts will never be a problem as long as they have a significance. Your wedding ring will not be diamonds, but a pearl that he found when he was wandering. And it will be worth a thousand shiny carbon pieces.

He will tell you that he was lost before he found you, and you will know that this is the ultimate compliment he can give a human being.

He will have travelled to so many places that he will have a deeper understanding of the human species, an insight he will never fail to use on you. He will understand that poverty is everywhere and so is human suffering. He will not shelter or protect you from the crimes of life, rather, he will teach you how to deal with suffering.

He will push you to your limits, and you will discover yourself in him. Don’t expect him to give you a lavish life, but he will give you a meaningful life. He will know how to ration money because he just wants to survive, without money, but definitely with you.

He will know you are his soul-mate when you overcome your fear of heights, and you agree to swing across the river holding on only to his toned body and his love as your safety. You will fall in love with him and his way of life, and never look back.

He will teach you to use your body to the full potential of human capacity. You will rediscover the simple happiness in life, and you will learn to see beyond individuality. You and him are part of a bigger plan.

He will teach you to be kind and gentle to all living creatures, yet teach you the importance of death.

He will teach you to love. And your children the will learn the same.

He will teach them that happiness comes from not what is around you, but what you can make from the things around you. And he will love you till the sun rises in the west.

 

Ablaze

If we will die while the night grows dark,
We will both pass away happy.
We will be safe and cozy,
Waiting, just you and me.

I can see the warmth smoking off your skin.
I can feel your sweet smile.
Our shadows become one,
As we watch them intertwine.

Your arms are my secret haven,
And I know you will remember me,
When oblivion and ashes,
Become our stark reality.

But don’t worry, love! And I, you.
I will not regret nor forget.
Even as the flames dance dangerously,
Close to where we rest.

Pull me closer; we are one.
Nor burning hell, nor calming heaven,
Can do us any harm.
Hold me as we watch out life go by,
In flames, for the last time.